Awhile

I feel so bad that it has been this long since I was last able to post. But things are doing well. I have a fallow up appointment on wed. the 13th. But I feel almost 100% again. Michael comes back home from CA. on the 16th of this month. It's so hard for him being away. Gabriel doesn't understand time so that makes it hard. Lydia is too young. As for myself. My heart goes out to all those single parents out there.

I know alittle what it must have been like for my mom, after the divorce from my dad. I feel like I'm not whole and I won't be until Michael is home with me. The only part that is good, from his being away is that it reminds me how much I need him in my life and how much I love him. Plus it's hard to have any alone time. That time only comes after the kids are in bed and then you hate to stay up for fear you will be tired. Life doesn't stop because you feel like your going to die if you can't go to the bathroom or take a shower without the baby screaming at the door, or your son has to go to the bathroom and then flushes the toilet while you are in the shower. I just hate this feeling of great lonliness.

I know it wouldn't be so bad if I had some friends or a friend. But it is hard for me to make any becasue when Michael is home he has the car and I can't drive any where. Plus I've never really had any and I don't know who to make any to be honset. Moving all your life either makes you able to make freinds easier or you don't. I don't. Michael and I are dying to meet a nice married couple who has kids and would tolerate going out with us.

Now I don't want you all to get it wrong. We do have family. Yes we spend every weekend at someone's house. But only my parents go to church. It would be nice to have some Christian friends that we could talk to about God. I love our group and they are all nice people. But we don't see them outside group. Michael does go out and have lunch with Chad. which I couldn't be more happier about. Michael didn't exactly have the best role modles or friends when growing up and Chad has become a wonderful friend to Michael. He's challenged him in ways I never dreamed of. Thank You Chad!
I've rambled on enough for now. I'll write more later.