SOOOOO Busy

Here I go again. I told myself I would be more faithful to my writing here and what do I do go a month without writing. I feel awful. But I think I might have set my goal to high. I think I need to start of with once a week and work my way up. Plus to top it all of I have taken on alot more than I thought I ever would. I mean I'm happy about my decision but it's alot to adjust to. Here's a brief glimpse of my weekly schedule.

Monday cub scouts at 6:30pm.
Tuesday (every other) Co-op from 9 am -12pm
Wednesday 9:30 am reading time at the library Ballet 5pm
Thursday (every other grocery and running)
Friday cleaning make up
Saturday hopefully family time (drill one time a month)
Sunday church, maybe visit family, FRG meetings one time a month, evening church.
Then soon small group one day a week as well.

It probably doesn't seem alot to some people but this all came on really fast. Plus now I'm the FRG phone tree leader. But I'm hoping to at least once a week post. Plus now I will be homeschooling both of my children in the fall. Which I am excited about but also nerves. Well gotta go busy day tomorrow.

First and Second Graders

This month is my turn to teach the first and second graders. Which I have been teaching the preschool age only until the need arose and I volunteered to teacher the older kids as well. I had a lot of people tell me good luck when they found out I was teaching this age group. I had a hard time believing that it was going to be as bad as they made it out to be. I got my book work and was prepared for the first Sunday. I hate to say it but they where right in some ways. This was going to be a challenge. That following week after my first Sunday of teaching I began to really look at the book and the way they where teaching the class. I found that it was not working and that I personally believed that the kids would learn more from hands on more movement learning.

So my next lesson I ditched the book all together and made my own lesson plan. I decided to start with a classic. David and Goliath. I took my bible and read passages to the kids from the story. I followed it by placing a bowl of stone on the table in front of the kids. This of course brought on some interesting looks. I reminded them of what we just read and handed out small bags for each of them. I told them to please choose the same kinds of stones that David choose and the same amount. Once they began to dig in the bowl the realized that there where different kinds of stones to choose from and quickly chose the smooth ones (Five to be exact). Then I proceeded to take the children outside where I told them that they would face a Goliath and they would have to defeat him in the same manner that David did. Michael volunteered to be our Goliath and the children threw their stones at him(really bean bags) and try and hit him in the forehead like David did. I must say this had a better over all effect with the kids. they listened better to my story and I was able to review with them while the ate the snack I provided them.

I have continued to teach the children in this manner. But unfortunately I ran into an older lady who helps out with Sunday school who felt that I should be following the books the church provide instead of my own plan. I tried to explain that the children didn't remember the lesson as well when I followed the book plan as my own. For example last Sunday I assigned each child a disciple and asked them to find out what they could about them. From what their jobs where before they followed Jesus, what they did while they followed him and after. I was so overjoyed when they all came back the next Sunday and where able to share what they had learned. When proceeded to explore what the Lord's Supper means and answer questions they may have. I even brought bread and we did a craft with it after our lesson. (If you take food coloring in water and take a brush and brush the bread you can then toast the bread and the color stays on. I asked the children to show me what they feel the bread symbolizes to them and to please paint this on their bread. It was wonderful to see rainbows and the cross a tomb a flower and so on. Each child explaining why they chose to paint what they did.

I feel that I am teaching the children in the right way and have gotten positive feed back from parents so I am not too worried about what that one lady said. Plus the children seem to remember more and are more responsive in class. They are even excited and ask what we are learning next Sunday. I just feel right to go straight to the bible pick a lesson from there and then choose crafts and stuff to follow. I hope next Sunday's lesson is as good as this last one for them.

LOVE DARE

Things here have been going well. Michael and I have come across a wonderful book/movie. It's called the Love Dare. Here is what the back of the book says:

Unconditional Love is eagerly promised at weddings, but rarely practiced in real life. As a result, romantic hopes are often replaced with disappointment in the home. But it doesn't have to stay that way.

The Love Dare is a 40-day challenge for husbands and wives to understand and practice unconditional love. Whether your marriage is hanging by a thread or healthy and strong, The Love Dare is a journey you need to take. It's time to learn the keys to finding true intimacy and developing a dynamic marriage. So, take he dare!

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.
1 Corinthians 13:7-8

This book is powerful and should not be done half-heartily. This is life changing. I strongly recommend this book and the movie which is called: "Fireproof"!

DARE TO LOVE

Matthew 5:4

I'm not sure where to even begin. My life after that last post has been dramatically changed. In alot of ways for the best. I'll give a brief summary so that you will maybe understand. After that last entry I did take a pregnancy test. It said yes. Though out the summer we continued our search for a home while Michael continued to adjust to life as a civilian again. Then august came. On august 23 I miscarried the baby. I was supposed to be 11 weeks but the ultrasound said that the baby was only 8 1/2 weeks. I became depressed. I spent a few days in bed. I can't remember what it was exactly that brought me around. It may have been the fact that Michael was starting to get edgy living at my mom's and not being able to do anything for me, but I started to make myself get up and do things.

While all of this was going on we still tried to find a home. A week after losing the baby I was looking in a realty magazine and just happened to see a wonderful double wide for sale. It was on 1 acre with 4 bedrooms and 2 full bathes. We made an appointment that week to go and see it. I really didn't look to much as I was still feeling bad. In the end we bought it, moved in on Halloween day. I was still struggling with my feelings and everything while trying to get the kids into a routine Gabriel with school and things.

One Sunday our preacher at our church came and told me about a new Sunday school group they had started. Everyone there had young children or children. He probably thought it would help knowing what I was going through. Michael and I went and let me say I didn't go in with an open mind given my past history with the church. But I will say after a few times I was surprised with how everything was going. After being invited to a Co-op meeting ( home school group that meets at the church) I got to know some of the other mom's from Sunday school. I can now say I am friends with a very nice mom named Dawn. She is a mother of five children. Her son is only a year older than Gabriel, Simon. Natalie her middle child is only a year older than Lydia and they are almost like two peas in a pod. Then there is Valerie who is three months younger than Tony and Lastly There's brand new Lucy. Cute as can be of course. She has been a real blessing to me with everything.

A month after my loss I realized I could either grow from my Lord or Grow closer to him through this. I didn't grow closure I've clung to him. I am ever the more faithful in my reading and prayer time with him. Not just that but I have begun teaching in Sunday school. preschool and kindergarten class and the first and second grade class as well. I've been feeling like I'm really going in the direction the Lord wants me to be.

Despite all this great growth Michael and I are still trying. I am on clomid again. Started off on 50mg. Getting my progesterone levels checked. But still nothing. I've had my thyroid checked as well and they say it's fine. They have bumped me up to 100mg for march and I am going to start doing a OPK every day to see when I am ovulating. Despite all this I still have a twinge of fear that even when I do finally get pregnant I may loss the baby. Before I never even consider it a possibility but now I see things different. I know the Lord is not cruel and he loves me even if I do not understand his ways. I know all I can do is pray and wait to see if the Lord will bless me again. I feel horrible for saying this but I feel weird being around Dawn. Especially while she was pregnant. But I wasn't going to let that get int the way. Now that the baby is here I had this internal battle going on. Should I hold the baby should I not. That first Sunday she was at church I could barely look at her. But I made myself look at her even touch her when I took Dawn's valentine stuff to her. The next visit Michael told me to hold the baby he thinks it would help. So I did. Even a couple of times. It was nice but at the same time that horrible ache came back to my arms.

The first time I felt this ache heaviness was a week after the miscarriage. I had such a desire to hold something. Over time it became worse and then I got Jill for Christmas. I guess Michael thought she would help. (Jill is our cat). In a way it did, but now I see it only suppressed it. Because after holding Lucy that feeling came back. It was all I could do not to cry there in front of Dawn and the kids and on the way home. Once home I succumbed to it. I pray every night for Dawn and her family for every pregnant women I come across and every new mother. I just can't help but ask when is it my turn Lord. When do I get my baby? I prayed for my baby the first two weeks. Asking the Lord to watch over my little one until I could come and be with it. But after two weeks I knew there was no longer a reason to because I knew he would. There way really no reason to pray for that in the first place other than my peace of mind.

One night when I was feeling especially blue wondering what can I do to alleviate some of this sadness this immense pressure I feel I started flipping through the bible. I had my ultrasound photo there beside me of the baby. Then my bible fell open to the book of Matthew. I looked down it was open to the fifth book of Matthew. My eyes feel straight to verse four. "Blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted" It was like lightning. I knew do fully deal for me I needed to name the baby. To full give way to my pain and if by naming the baby brought this process around I was. I named him Matthew for the comfort that verse in that book brought me. I really can't explain this but It all felt right. In naming him, the baby I was able to really see what had happened. To know that my mourning was normal and I was mourning a really little person, my little person. Know that I will never forget. Know that he is waiting for me and I will one day be with him, is a comfort. This month coming up will be a difficult one for me. March 12th was my due date. My little Matthew was supposed to join our family then know that he never will is very hard. My secret hope is that though Matthew can not be here maybe the Lord will bless us with the knowledge that another little one is on the way. Look it's late I need to get off here. I'll write more later. Hopefully more often now.

Clinicals

Well I am sorry that I have not been posting regularly. But with myself starting my clinical and trying to get used to being gone and being away from the kids and Michael going back to work and trying to figure out everything, things have been a little hectic. On top of all of this poor Ma maw Nannie passed away Friday. The layout was this past Sunday and the funeral was Monday. Which I had to miss because it was my first day of clinical. Which are going OK but is making me neglect my blog and a few other things. But family and this is more important and I will try and post when I can. But it will not be regular for awhile. Well I need to go it's late and I am tired. Write when I can, bye. Oh by the way tomorrow is when I take my pregnancy test and I am so stressed out about it. I am so afraid it will be negative. But there is always next month, right?

May 4, 2008

Today Gabriel had his tonsils and adenoids removed at Children's Hospital in Cincy. I really like it there alot. Everyone is friendly and it is very oriented toward the children's needs. He did very well. He was given some medication before they took him back. They said it would be equivalent to drinking a few beers. It was funny. He kept telling me that I had two heads and had the hiccups really bad. He kept laughing and giggling. He was cute. HE did very well when he got the "sleepy gas" as they call it. He even got to pick a flavor to smell. He picked bubble gum. After what feels forever we where able to go back and see him. He was so pitiful, anyway we went to the bathroom and he asked me if they had taken his tonsils out. I told him yes. Unfortunately on the way home he got sick. Thankfully he didn't have anything in his stomach. He's sleeping right now taking it easy. Daddy has gone to picked up our other little one. It's funny how you really enjoy time alone but then you start thinking about how much you miss them. Love my babies

May 28, 2008

Well today is the day that Gabriel goes for his consultation about having his tonsils removed. Which I have opted to stay home to allow Lydia to have a nap and I let Michael take Scooter instead. Which I am ok with right now since it is not the actual procedure which I will definitely be there for. But I'm glad this gives Michael and Gabriel some alone time for guy stuff and I can do my homework for school in quite and Lydia can nap. Which is really good because she can get really cranky ad fast.

Things are going well. The Indy 500 race was ok except I kept having potty problems and my nerves where all over the place. If it wasn't or that then I would be able to really enjoy myself. It was ok until it was time to go home. I won't say what happened other than it involved one of Michael's uncles and for once it was not one from the Jenkins's side of the family. I was asked not to say anything so I will not. Just say goodness it got edgy.

Real quick before I go today is also my mother's birthday and I believe that she is turning 43. She is due back home on the 30th and John is very excited to have her home. Along with everyone else. Well I need to go and get back to my home work I'll write more later. Bye.

May 20, 2008

I am currently in my last week of my radiography class and I am praying that I pass it. I could really care less about the class. But since I have to take it, then I'm concerned about it. But I could care less, this does not intrigued me one bit. But oh well. Michael has been doing really well since I picked him up last Friday. We are of course still attending the big thing on Thursday since I is meant for Michael and all of his buddies and yes we are still going to the Indy 500 this weekend as well. I' very excited and will write more later. Well I need to go I'm stalling because I really don't won't to work on my chapter 12 assignment. Later!

Uncle Gary

Tuesday started of wonderfully. Michael called me and we were able to talk for quite along time. Well, at least long for what we are used too. Any way, later on in the day Casey called me. He sounded really down and I could tell something was wrong. I was afraid he was calling to tell me that Mawmaw Nannie had passed away. Instead he told me that Uncle Gary had died. I couldn't believe it. I mean he hadn't been feeling bad or sick. Casey said that Aunt Genie was home with him an that he had had a heart attack while he was out working in the barn. See he had Dairy cows and worked really hard with them. I just can't believe it. I mean the first time we took Gabriel fishing was out to Uncle Gary's. We always went out there to fish. We would of course stop and talk for a little bit when we went. I was so looking forward to taking Lydia out there for her first time fishing this summer and to see Gary and Genie. Especially since Michael will be home too. The sad thing is Michael doesn't know. I tried to call the red cross to see if they would get the message to him but they said no. Pretty much has to be parent, wife, or child only. I think that is stupid. I mean I wasn't asking for him to come home just tell him what happened. Especially since this was so sudden. Well I need to go. I'm hoping Michael calls so I can tell him before the layout which I have a feeling will be Friday or Saturday. I still haven't heard anything yet. I'll write more later. Oh yes, only 15 more days to go before Michael is finally home, yeah!

May 5, 2008

I had a busy day today. I first started of my day by taking Gabriel to the Dr. I was afraid he had strep-throat. Thankfully he didn't, but they are referring us to the ENT at children's. Apparently we have waited long enough and his tonsils are really big. They always have been but he has started to snore now and they can later on interfere with breathing and swallowing. So we have to wait and see what they officially decide when we go. Then the kids and I headed over to Wells Fargo there in Dry Ridge to start working on our paper work for our VA loan and finding a home. After that we then were on our way to Wally world to get some groceries. Followed by filling up the jeep at shell dying over gas prices and then McDonald's.

On the way home Michael called. But thanks to the signal and my crappy phone I lost him. Mike is going to leave me his phone, Michael said he would call me tomorrow thankfully. He is supposed to leave this week for the half way point. Then home. US soil. He's dying to see green, it's already hot over there and they moved them into tents so there replacements could have there rooms. I'm so excited for him to be home but when I start to think about it all I get nervous and uneasy. What if things are different? Then what? I'm sure things will be good but I'm still nervous. Well it's late I need to head to bed. Later!

Box from Iraq

Today I received Michael's foot locker from Iraq. Which thankfully it is starting to make all this real. He is coming home soon! This month actually! I can't believe it has already been a year since he left. Thank God he's coming home to me soon! I opened the box which he told me to go ahead and do. I just never though I was going to get so emotional. But he had his stuff in there an I knew that the stuff was just recently there with him and he out his blanket in there. Which I just stood there and held it for a long time with my eyes closed. Trying to remember how he felt and smelled. It's funny how you try to remember things and you realize that you forget some of the little things. But thankfully they all come back as soon as you are together again. I can't wait to feel him pressed up against me again. We don't even have to be doing anything just hugging and I'll be thrilled. I keep telling myself that I won't cry. But there is a part of me that thinks I will since I've tried really hard not to this whole entire time that he has been gone.

But when he's home I can put my guard down because he is finally home and I don't have to worry any more about him getting hit by an IED. Or anything else equally awful. But I am alittle weary because he has been gone for so long and things change alot in a year. I mean my feelings for him haven't.I love him more now than ever. But it seems alittle weird. I hope that this is normal. We have one more FRG meeting coming up on the 18th of this month and I am defiantly going. I want to know everything I can before he gets home. Well gotta go it's late and I'll write more later. Bye!

Sunday 27, 2008

Yesterday was Jeena, Josh, Jake, and Jacksons birthday party over at the Jenkins's. They had the parties at Uncle Kelly's house. It was pretty good. Jeena turned 3, Josh and Jake 1 and Jackson 10. I also went over to see Uncle Stacey since he had come back home from UC. He had alittle above his knee amputated. But he seems in good spirits but still alittle swollen. I'm in the process of trying to find him some orthotic socks but I don't know his measurments so it is proven to be a challenge. But I'm going to try and go over one day and see what he has and doesn't and go from there. I haven't heard from Michael yet but maybe tomorrow. I'm doing much better with the gap in time since I know it is about less than a month until I see him again. This time he stays home and I'm so excited. Well I need to go write later bye.

One month left

I only have one month left until Michael is finally back home with us and I can't wait. This waiting is driving me nuts and I welcome any kind of distracting. I am so glad that I am here with Michael's parents, it is really helping the time to go bye. Plus the closer it gets to Michael coming home the more I realize also how much time there is left before I start my clinical and I am done with my school. Soon I will be a medical assistant. I am so surprised with myself as I never really found myself actually going to school for a career. I figured I would just graduate from high school and start working somewhere. But now I am actually thinking about some day going all the way to be coming a full fledged RN. Won't that be something. Especially since neither of my parents finished college or some kind of secondary schooling. Or my brother or sister (At least so far). I still thing some day I will travel to another country to help. Well I gotta go things get busy and I will try and write when ever I can. Bye for now!

April 18, 2008

As every one is well aware of by now is that there was an earth quake that struck parts of the mid eastern part of the USA. I live in KY and thus was not as hard. But It accrued at around 5:30am. I was of course asleep and it took me a second to realize what was going on. To be honest it didn't get worse so when it stopped I laid there for a second and then went back to sleep. I mean there was nothing else to do plus I had to get up in a little bit to get Gabriel ready for school. But any way Sorry it's been a little bit since I last wrote anything but a lot is involved when you have to relocate. I should know, I mean I did start my life out in this manner. But it's made me into who I am today and I wouldn't change it. I love Michael my kids and I actually have some great in-laws. Well we are still working on the one mother-in-law. But maybe Lord willing it can all come about. I just pray she will start treating her husband nicer. But he's a big boy and capable of making his own decisions. Well it's late I need to get some sleep. I'll try and write more later on. BYE!

Allergies

Today I took Lydia to the Dr because I was worried she was starting to get a sinus infection. This is usually the time we have to deal with allergies. Poor thing woke up and sounded like she swallowed a whole bunch of frogs. I got her a appointment at 11am with Dr Dubois. He so nicely informed me that she has the beginning part of a sinus infection, strep throat, and bronchitis. Wonderful right?! He prescribed her an antibiotic. Then which he should have done last summer put her on a breathing machine. She is to have breathing treatments for her cough and whenever she she wheezes or seems to have a hard time breathing. Every though something was wrong last summer and I did too, But I understand why he wanted to wait to see if she would out grow it. You know give her another year. But no, she has too much of a family history with bronchitis and allergies that I had a feeling we would have problems. It's just hard to know when she is sick because she never runs a fever or coughs until she is really bad. Where as Gabriel doesn't really eat or play or anything. He acts pitiful. Lulu keeps playing and eating and by the time I get any indication that something might be wrong she's usually really bad. She I had a feeling she was worse than she appeared. Well I write later and write down how she did with her first treatment and everything.

May 6, 2008

Well I have been very busy this week. It's been nice to come down and I wish that the kids and I were just staying and didn't have to go back to Indiana. But I still have things to pack and thankfully only have three weeks to get it all done in. Then we will be on our way to KY and shortly after Thank the Lord Michael will be home. I'm so excited and pray time goes by very quickly now. I also pray that the Lord let's it be hopefully never but along time before he is deployed again. But we are also currently in the process of looking for our won home. It's so nice that we are able to do a VA loan. There is a house that I have found that I really like but have to wait and see. Well just wanted to write a quick something. Write more when I can, bye for now!

March 31, 2008

It's been a few days since I have last heard from Michael. I last talked with him on wed. He told me he would call me back the next day and it is now Sunday night and still nothing. Usually if he says he'll talk to me the next day and goes one day without then I'll chalk it up to the Internet not working or something like that. I mean it's not like we haven't gone a long time without talking but he will at least tell me if he has a mission coming up or something but I honestly have no idea what is going on and it is really bothering me. I mean I always know at least kinda what's going on and now nothing. I'm hoping he's at that school they talked about sending him to and he just was unable to talk with me before he left and there is no Internet there. But he said he was getting a phone card. I don't know I need to chill and try and relax. I mean as long as I don't hear anything then it's ok. It's just you always wondering if I might get the call. The one all wives of soldiers dread. It's second to a car coming to the house. I pray every day and night fro him and will even when he gets home. I hope I hear from him soon. Please Lord watch over and protect him.

March 27, 2008

Well it's been a little bit since I last wrote and let me say alot has been happening. First of all spring break for myself has been this week. Next week is Gabriel's spring break and we are going down to KY. Apparently we are moving now back down there. Which I have no problem with. I'm actually kinda excited. Except that I have to tell Molly and Jason. Which I really don't want too. But of course I have too. But to be honest we will more than likely see them as much as I do now. But anyway I have alot to do and not a whole lot of time. This week coming up I have to look for a clinical site. Get Gabriel enrolled at Northern Elm. Help Chris work around the house in preparation of Michael coming home and his party. Which we are having June 7. I'm getting very excited. I also though have to do my homework while I am down there, which stinks. But I don't have much of school left anyway and it's getting close to time for me to start my clinical. I am hoping I can find a DR. office I can do it at in either, Dry Ridge, Williamstown, or even Crittendon. But if all else fails I can drive to Lexington and do them there because my school has already set up a site there. Well I need to go I have alot to do. I'll try to continue and write when I can. Bye for now.

The kids and the Rats

Here's Gabriel and Miss Remy. I was very surprised the first time Gabriel let her climb on him. But I think I did a good job in picking out the perfect pet for Him. He really like the rats and thankfully Remy is very friendly and patient with the kids. Now Princess is more like Miss Kitty. My sister's pet cat. Her name (Princess) suites her very well.

This is Miss Remy that Lydia is playing with. She's being very gentle here. She's not always gentle, this is because she tends to get very excited about our new family pets. Plus she's two! Remy is good with her though. Princess is too skittish for the kids. I tend to spend more one on one time with her so that she will continue to get used to being held. Eventually I'm hoping she'll feel better with the kids.

Readability

A friend of mine Chad Doerr Found a website that checks your blog readability. HE scored at and elementary level, as did I. I did some digging and found out why that was. Apparently it means that our blogs are safe for children to read because we do not exploit anything sexual or inappropriate for young readers. Which I found to be very refreshing. I mean how many people out that can say that in there daily life (which I believe is what our blogs reflect) we have morally health persona's. We don't need to live our lives with inappropriate thoughts or actions. Very wholesome and clean. I really like that.