Holiday spirit?

I am trying very hard not to get down and feel like the Grinch. It is very hard and I am missing Michael very much. Lydia becomes more and more talkative and will not say a few things to Michael on the phone. Today she was in the hall way pretending to be on the phone talking to her Dada. Even little things like this makes it more difficult. I bought some Christmas cards and have been filling them out tonight. Every year I send family and friends cards and I thought that if I continued this year it might help by bah humbug mood. Not really it made is worse because at first I was unsure of how to sign the cards. But I signed them like I always do. Michael may not be here but he is still my family and I signed his name for him. I am just so thankful that he will be home for R&R shortly after Christmas. This thought does make it alittle better. Still I will find it hard not to cry or be alittle upset at Christmas. Especially when going over to see his family. My side as well but for quiet different reasons I will probably be upset. But I have sworn that I will not say anything until after Michael leaves to go back over again. Then the next time something is said, I plan on saying something. I just don't want to ruin Christmas or be upset before I see my Michael again. Well enough for now, again later.