Failure

I have been reading a book series by Francine Rivers called "Mark of the Lion". wonderful. She is probably my favorite christian author. I have read every book our library has of hers. I have even reread some of my favorites. I love to read. I read the whole "Left Behind" series in a month. Give me a good book and I'll devour it. But yet I find myself struggling to read god's word on a daily bases.

I find myself comparing what I read in Mrs. Rivers books to the bible, but to actually sit down and read God's word, I don't. I get these little tangents every now and then. I feel so.. I can't even put it into words. Maybe a failure for God. How am I going to be able to lead others if I can't discipline myself to train up in his word every day? I'm more than willing to encourage my husband but I find no force for myself. I pray that God will help to motivate me. I feel that God has convicted me to write this down. I had something else in mind but ended up deleting it.

Oh Lord, humble me. Let me find that driving force that will compel me toward your living word! Let me be your vessel that I may train to spread your love and word! Oh Lord, thy will, not mine!

Leaves

Today our group racked leaves instead of doing one of our fine bible lessons. I love reading the bible and studying god's word. But sometimes to be honest what speaks to me more is when I give my time. I didn't know the people at whose house we went to but I felt so... great that I worried about trying to get every leaf that I could. Which when you are working with what appears to be a 60 year old rack it does make things to be a challenge. But I felt more bonded with our group in the little bit we spent racking leaves than I did the past year. I enjoyed it all and I would have to say my favorite part was at the last house to see that guy come out with his surprised expression on his face to see his yard full of people with racks. I would love to be able to do more things that following along these lines. Hint, Hint!

Slow Down

Michael and I have been wracking our brains to see what the Lord has planned. We both feel a strong urge pulling us toward him going active in the Army. He says he feels led to start small groups where ever it is we go. I'm all for this. I know he'll be a wonderful leader and I am excited about helping him.

But the thing is when I first got out of school I felt compelled to further my education and start a career. But Gabriel got sick and I felt lead to be a stay at home mom. Which is one of my most rewarding things I've ever done. But here lately I have this gut wrenching feeling that I'm supposed to be doing something. I wrote this off as concern in helping Michael. but as I prayed I felt the Lord tell me that I am to do something else.

I had a moment then when it was like, what are you talking about Lord? Michael needs me to help him with the whole going active, small group thing. It was like he was telling me to be patient. A few days later, (yesterday a matter of fact) My father called me, we got to talking and the next thing I know we are on the subject of me working. My father asked me if I ever thought about starting a career in the medical field? I was honest and said yes because I enjoy helping people.

Medical assistant. It just came to me while I was talking with my dad. I proceeded to ask him about what a medical assistant does. I got on the net and looked up some schools to find out what it entailed. As soon as I got off the net a lady called me from one of the schools and wanted to set up a meeting. Everything seems to be moving to fast. I mean What if this is only a distraction from us going active? What if this is someones way of keeping Michael from doing what he is supposed to do?

I can't focus on other things. What Michael is to do is very important. I'm mean planting this small groups and different Army bases is wonderful. What if this is trying to take from that? I don't know I'm praying hard and all I see in my head is Medical Assistant. What about Gabriel and Lydia. Yes Gabriel starts School in the coming fall but what about Lydia she won't even be 2 until next November. I don't want to put her in a day care all day. Help Lord, am I over reacting? What should I do?

Hard

Michael and I are having a hard time right now with the whole active duty thing. We know that we are going active but we are just so overwhelmed by all that there is to do. We know that we will get it done but I'm a planner I like to know what I'm doing. What needs to be done and if this is not possible I become stressed. We need to tell our families but Michael has something that he feels lead to do before we go and would not allow us to leave until June. But then we feel that we shouldn't wait that long. If we do not leave to June we would not tell our families until later. We both know this would be the first step. We just ask for prayers. We want to do God's will and not ours. We think maybe we should do this because it sounds better. That is not always the case. It is growing late and there is alot on my mind. I ask that you all pray that God will revile what must be done to us.

Final

We have made our final decision about Michael going active in the army. I actually believe this time that he is serious and is not going to change his mind. He has been back and forth about this alot. But he believes that the Lord wants him to go active so that he may start a small group where ever it is that we are sent. So that is that we are going active.

The problem now is just going threw the motions that will get us there. The one I dread the most is telling my mother. She already has a bad opinion about the military. I tried once talking to her about Michael feeling that the Lord is calling him to do something. She said that he is over thinking and that not everyone is called to do something. I have to disagree with her. the Lord may not call people to be missionaries or preachers but he does call everyone to do something. If not how will we spread his word?

I don't believe it is just enough to live by his will. Everyone is called to spread his message. How can this be done if we just go about our daily lives like nothing? I want to serve and if I am doing the Lord's will by supporting my husband by going to another state or another country and sharing the lord's will threw a small group, than so be it. I will lend support to the women or the wives or by just hosting. Whatever God asks of me. His will be done. I just pray my mother will understand when it comes time to tell.

Pray for me that I may help her see!

Six Towels

My brother and his wife have recently moved into a two bedroom house on base. The only problem is that they have no furniture. They are both sleeping on an air mattress. Which speaking as a women who has been pregnant twice, that is very uncomfortable. The baby is not due until Jan., but still. My family and I are trying to ask around and see if there are people out there who no longer need furniture and if we may have it for them. They need all living room furniture, Kitchen, bath etc. They have some pots and pans. Plates and cups and about six towels. So as you can see that's not alot. Michael and I have offered them his old futon that they can either use as a couch or a bed. They are currently trying to find a bed for Johanna. I ask that you pray for them as they are starting there family. Thank you!

Unit/ Alarm

This morning I was up at 5 a.m. to take Michael up to his Reserve Unit in Fort Thomas. Yes he still had to stay all day even after yesterday. That's how the army works. (No wonder most guys put up a tough front.) He was unable to do much. He was the door man. the guy who pushes the button to let you into the building. Not bad. He again has to report tomorrow. This time they are inventorying all of their gear. Shouldn't be anything strenuous.

On another not I heard from my brother. They where able to get a house on base. Which is wonderful. But her also informed us that one of his superiors advised him to carry a concealed weapon. Apparently there are some gangs. He was also told that it isn't the safes to walk around off base in uniform. Adam said he was thinking about getting a gun for Johanna as well. I hope they never have to use them. I ask that you all pray for my brother and his wife. I've heard things but you know who things are spread.

A Thank You

I am pleased to report that Michael came through his surgery today with flying colors. Other than a little soreness his fine. thank God for pain med. They are still going to send of the mass off. Part of everything. The Dr. said everything looked good. He did say that it was larger than he thought, and it wrapped around which caused the illusion of there being two masses instead of the one. He said that he would see him again in 7-10 days.

I'm just glad it's over. I do want to ask that everyone out there pray for this wonderful lady that I meet in the lounge. She had been there since 5 a.m. the previous morning. Her husband has cancer of the rectum and had been through various types of Keemo Therapy and Radiation. She informed me that they believe they got it all and that they would be able to leave at 11 p.m. tonight. I didn't catch her name I just know that I was alone and was in the need of someone to talking to as well as she and I think we helped each other out. Pray everything goes well for her and her husband. Well it's late and I have to get up at 5 a.m. to take Michael up to his unit tomorrow. Plus I don't know how much sleep Lydia is going to allow me. (She is sick also.) By the way if you have notice I'm not the best speller.

Heaven

I was reading through something earlier today and I feel lead to share this:

Anyone is capable of going to heaven.
Heaven is our home.
Dying is not the end, it is the beginning.
Death is a continuation of life.
This is the meaning of eternal life, it is where our soul goes to God.
To be in the presence of God, to see God, to speek to God, to continue living him with greater love.
We only surrender our body in death our heart and our soul live forever.
Yesterday is gone and tommorrow has not yet come; we must live each day as if it were our last so that when God calls us we are ready, and prepared, to die with a clean heart.

This touched me when I read this and I pray it touches you as well.

A surprise

Tonight I recived an unexpected call from my brother. My brother had joined the Army last July. Past March got married and him and his wife are now expecting a boy in January. They were in Korea but korea is not eqquiped for families so they have been sent to Ft. Lewis washington. quite some distance from Ky. but alot closer than Korea.

He was looking for our mom when he called and we ended up talking for a few minutes. something we have been unable to do for some time. I informed him that Michael is considering going active. but he will be unable to do this until january. When you sign up for the reserves you ahve to be in for 6 months be for you are allowed to go active.

My brother sounded excited by this and proced to inform me that Lewis has ENGR and that we could try to go there. I would love this. I know he would like having family near by. I would love seeing my soon to be nephew every day.

Michael and I are still praying about this but feel that this is the path for us. He's wondering is maybe God wants him to start a small group where ever it is that we are sent.

My Neighbor

This summer a couple with two young children moved in across the street from myself. I was dying to know the age of their children and if mine would get along. I believe every parent out there has the same thing go through their heads. Well anyway as it turns out my children and her children are the same age. My oldest turned five in Sept. And Her oldest turned five in Feb. It goes the same for her youngest turns one in Nov. As does mine only two days later. Her oldest a boy like mine. Her youngest a boy but mine is a girl. Oh well she'll just have to learn to run with the boys. Not a bad thing having three boys to look out for her.

Now earlier this summer she found out she was expecting again.(Not planned.) But happy. Today though she found out that her cervix is thinned out. She then proceeded to St. Luke for some testing. She'll know the results by Friday. I'm praying that all goes well. I let her know that if she needed anything all she needed to do was ask. I guess the point to this story is that I am asking for all those out there to pray that at the most she may be confined to bed rest. The best of course is that there is nothing to worry about. Again please pray for her as well as the baby.

A gift

Today I received a long awaited gift from my father. (two weeks late) He sent me a digital camera! This is truly a wonderful gift for myself to receive since I'm into scrap booking and all that stuff. Not heavy, you need money for that. Just enough so that my children and I can look back over the years.

I want to share stories with my children. I don't want them to be afraid to come to me when they need to talk about the heavy stuff. I held back from my mother and I don't want my children to feel the same. I still feel that way and I'm afraid that a decision that my husband and I may be making will throw her for a lope.
It's late, I'll try something more interesting next time.

A Simple Question

My family and I listen to 93.3 when we are in the car together. Today they were playing "Would you take the place of this man?" I love this song. My son Gabriel then proceeded to ask me what are they taking from his hand. It took me a moment to realize that he was referring to the song. At this point I quickly shot up a prayer and dove forward.

I told Gabriel that they where talking about Jesus and that it was nails in his hand. He asked the famous questions all young children asked. Why? I first asked him if he knew what the cross was. He said yes. I told him that they used nails to put Jesus on the Cross with.

He asked again why? I told him that Jesus was nailed to the cross to die for our sins that we may be able to go to heaven when we die. He changed his question to what is heaven? I told him that heaven is a wonderful place that Jesus made for people to go when they die. I said that no one knows what heaven will look like. That we can only guess. His next question threw me. I was not expecting it at all.

He asked if that was where Emrie's mommy had gone. I told him yes that Emrie's mommy had been very sick and that she had died and had gone to heaven with Jesus. He said Oh. I assume that I had satisfied him for he did not ask any more questions. But it makes me wonder if there was anything that I should have gone a head and talk to him about. By the time I had thought this we had arrived at my mother's and he was gone. But I still think about that talk and try now to prepare better for future talks.