Christmas

I can't believe Christmas is already gone but I am very happy about it this year. My Michael is scheduled for R&R on Jan. the 6th and I am dying to see him again! I can't wait and he is all I can think about. I haven't told the kids because sometimes the army changes things at the last minute and I don't want them to be upset if that happens. Better if it is a surprise so there is no disappointment. I don't have much to say but the kids got so much that I had to leave some stuff at my in-laws because I could not fit it all in my jeep. Big families what can I say?!

Johanna and Antonio continued

I wanted to add a picture of Adam and his family. It is alittle old but it's all I have right now.

I must say that I certainly do like Johanna. I could actually see use becoming close friends if they happen to live closer. I would very much like it if her and Adam and Antonio lived closer. But they are in WA and are not sure what the next step for their family will be. She is to be deployed in Sept. 15 months. Just two longer than Michael (I can not even begin to imagine what I would do to be away from my children for so long. ). Antonio is adorable. He looks just like Adam but you can see his mommy there too. I wonder how she is doing down with the Family? But again they will not be ill toward her for Adam. Antonio is so cute and I wanted to just pick him up and love all over him but I held myself back. I did pick him up when she went into the bathroom for a minute but he is bigger and starting to get out of that faze where you can hold him and cuddle with him.

Seeing how Lydia and Gabriel did with him made me want another baby even more. Gabriel is so good with babies and lulu is too but doesn't understand why he can not just get up and run with her. Typical stuff for a two year old. But by the time Michael and I have another one she will be bigger and understand better. I wasn't sure when I had the age gap between lulu and scooter but it seems to have worked out for the best. They get along very well, for brother and sister at least.

I am looking forward to seeing Johanna , Antonio and Adam again at Christmas, I just wish it was them and not everyone else. But you take what you can get and I will remain silent as ever. I think mother thinks I will be staying with them at some point but I hate to disappoint her, but the children and I will be staying with Michael's mom but will go over to visit. She has the room and I will endue no verbal abuse over there. It will hopefully prevent some of the abuse I will receive from my family if I stay at Michael's moms as well. I can not wait until Michael comes home so that we may be able to start planning our lives together. I pray Adam and Johanna will continue to do well and learn to agree and live well. There young and have not fully developed the WE complex instead of the ME complex that they have right now. Only time will tell if they get there. Like She wouldn't mind one more child but Adam does not. It's things like that. I will not tell anyone. I will remain silent at Christmas and watch how things unfold. Especially with a new member of the family there, I just wish Michael was her with us for this. Next year though, next year. Maybe we will have a new addition by then or we will be expecting one then. Or a house who knows. As long as Michael is here that is all that matters. Pray to God this happens, Amen!

Johanna and Antonio

Today I am going to the airport to pick-up my sister-in-law and nephew. I have yet to meet or talk to her and am a little nervous. I hope that she likes me but if not then she will fit along with the rest of the family. I am hoping though that maybe she will talk with me and I will have someone. Poor thing though has no idea what Adam says about her to the family and her opinion is low with mom and the family. Of course mom defends Adam so if she upsets him then mom is for him. But I want to make my own opinion of her because Adam is in no way perfect. He can be very difficult and I have a feeling he maybe playing the sympathy card with the family and she maybe more victim. But who knows. I will of course write later about what happened and everything. She may not even really talk with me. I know I would be shy and have a hard time talking with someone I have never meet. Oh well, write later, bye!

Holiday spirit?

I am trying very hard not to get down and feel like the Grinch. It is very hard and I am missing Michael very much. Lydia becomes more and more talkative and will not say a few things to Michael on the phone. Today she was in the hall way pretending to be on the phone talking to her Dada. Even little things like this makes it more difficult. I bought some Christmas cards and have been filling them out tonight. Every year I send family and friends cards and I thought that if I continued this year it might help by bah humbug mood. Not really it made is worse because at first I was unsure of how to sign the cards. But I signed them like I always do. Michael may not be here but he is still my family and I signed his name for him. I am just so thankful that he will be home for R&R shortly after Christmas. This thought does make it alittle better. Still I will find it hard not to cry or be alittle upset at Christmas. Especially when going over to see his family. My side as well but for quiet different reasons I will probably be upset. But I have sworn that I will not say anything until after Michael leaves to go back over again. Then the next time something is said, I plan on saying something. I just don't want to ruin Christmas or be upset before I see my Michael again. Well enough for now, again later.

PT TEST

I can only say thank the Lord for Michael has passed his PT test. I am so proud of him. He has been having a hard time trying to pass this test and it seems like every time he attempts to pass it something happens. Like last time he threw-up right in the middle of it and had to stop. You know what even this time he had something wrong. His foot is bothering him and he is going to the Doctor about it tomorrow. He refused to go until after he passed this test. So thank fully he passed and now he can get his foot taken care of. He is so hard headed, but I love him.

I was also able to mail three boxes today to him. Well one is actually for Sgt. Kinney and one is for him to pass out the stuff that is in it but the one box is from me and the kids for Christmas. I still have one more box to mail but I am going to wait until after the 15th. I have to make a trip down to KY this weekend for the FRG Holiday party and am worried about money. So next paycheck I will mail it. The kids are doing fine. Gabriel thankfully has not had any problems with school and has remained health except for a cold. Lydia is doing well talking more and more everyday and between her and Gabriel I am unable to get in a word otherwise. Michael is not going to know what to think when he comes home for R&R.

My school is going well. I passed my last class with an A and am enjoying this class more than I thought I would. It is pharmacology. Which isn't so bad except for all of the abbreviations I have to learn and at least the 50 most common prescription drugs prescribed at a Doctors office. The only problem with this is every drug has more than one name. There is the generic name and the Trade name. If anyone is wondering always try and get the generic name because the Trade name cost more but there is no difference between them. Like people who shop for clothes at Wal-mart or Good will compared to say Macy's or another expensive store. You are just buying the name. So always ask the Doctor if he can prescribe the generic drug instead. It will always save you some money. There is no difference between the potency of the drug. They have to have the same strength. See the generic drug is the drug's real name. The one it was developed with. While the trade name one more commonly used is the brand or propriety name. I hope this info helps someone out there. Well I need to go Gabriel's almost home from school and I need to get Lulu up from nap. Write more later. BYE!

At an impass?

I'm not sure if that is the appropriate title or not. But Michael and I are at a very crucially junction in our family's life apparently. Michael from the get go has been saying that he wants to go active. But after some quiet reflection on his part he is unsure if this is the best course for our family. We both want another baby but are unsure as well as how soon we should pursue this. It's not a matter of if, but when. I guess the Lord shows us what we need to know at a time and does not reville everything like we would like him too. So please anyone who reads this, please pray that the Lord will revile his next step for our family. What we should do. Thank you!

Almost gone, Thank you Lord!

Well we have only three days left of November and I am so happy. Thankfully time is flying by and Michael will be home soon for leave. I can't wait. I have missed him so much. It will be 7 months when he gets home on leave since he has been gone. He will still have four to five months left to complete when he goes back. at least the most will be behind us when he does have to go back. I have missed him so much and at times it gets to feel unbearable but I feel like I have been handling things every well considering all the things that I have gone through and have to deal with. Plus I'm alone up here and our only friends are very busy and I do not see them alot. But I feel like the Lord has provided this opportunity for not only myself but for Michael as well. I know we have defiantly grown closer than I thought possible for a married couple and thank the Lord for this everyday. It's amazing what can come out of something that we think is totally awful but is actually something wonderful. Michael and I are actually trying to plan on a trip to the Bahamas and are wanting to renew our vowels there. We had such a rocky start at first and feel like this is the fresh start we need and only the Lord could have provided us with this opportunity. Thank you God, Thank you for everything!

November 20, 2007

Well I have only one more day left of this class. I'm very excited but also very nervous because I have my final exam for this class tomorrow. I always spaz when I have to take a test or exam. I usually do pretty good. I'll let you know how I do.

Michael called today. He was back home but not sure how long he will stay this time. Last time it was only for one day. Everyone is doing good and thankfully no one was hurt from this mission. It is still unaware of when he gets leave and I will not post when he does until he is back home, overseas. Safety is of the utmost important. He is doing well, missing home of course. It's going to be very hard since he will not be home for Christmas and this is the first time he is going to miss Christmas. I almost wasn't going to put up the tree. But I decided I will for the kids. It wouldn't be right if I didn't for them. Thankfully I will not be spending Christmas here but down in KY with our family. At least that way maybe I won't feel so sad. Well I keep ya posted on how I did on my test and let you know how thanksgiving goes. We are leaving tomorrow to go down to KY to spend thanksgiving with everyone.

DRAMA

Yesterday we had Lydia's birthday party. It was good, alot better than he first. Her first birthday we had drama. But life is full of drama, my life, mine and Michael's. There is no escape from family. You can't change them, you can only love them. I love mine and Micahel's family. But there is so much drama. We are going active. In a way it seems like an escape, but in another way it will cause all new drama.

My mother feels that Michael's mom favors Lydia. Michael's mom feels that my mom favors Gabriel. I try and stay netural. I know we are moving but they do not. Michael and I are going to tell them together. Anyway, what do I say? What do I do? There is more but it's late maybe some other time.

Basic Medical Procedures

Well I have only one week left of this class. I'm amazed at how fast the time has gone by. But it is a very good thing. I have enjoyed this class very much. This week we have been learning about urinalysis. I had no idea to the extent in which urine plays in diagnosis or the different ways in which to collect it. I know most people are like oooowww. But I find all this very fascinating and can't wait until I actually get to handle and run the different test. I' a very visual and hands on type person. Though I am learning now I will learn alot more once I am able to get the hands on experience. As of right now I am not sure as to what we will be learning next week, but I hope is blood!

My Commitments

I have enrolled in a online school while Michael is gone. We both agreed that this would be a good opportunity for me to go to school since in a way our lives have been put on hold. The school is called Allied Health Institute. I was so worried that with everything that has been going on that I wouldn't do very well and that being an online school made me nervous. but I have to say I have been proven wrong. So far I am making better grades than I did in high school and I'm loving it. It is so nice and hasn't been too demanding for my schedule. I have nap time to do my work and since I don't work outside my home I am able to have plenty of time to my school work. I am very proud of myself since I'm doing so well. I thought I would be stretching myself thin. I still may do that but right now things are going ok.

Anyway I thought I would make a list of all the things I typically have to do every month:

1.) Pay monthly bills
2.) Grocery shop with the kids
3.) Visit Family at least twice a month. (3 hour drive one way)
4.) Call Phone Tree family twice a month and sometimes in between
5.) Attend church either here or KY every Sunday
6.) Kids to Dr whenever
7.) Monthly FRG meetings
8.) Take Gabriel to school every day.
9.) Cook & Clean house
10.) My school work everyday
11.) Work on Christmas packages for Michael and buddies
12.) Mediator for family/problems (enough said)
13.) Keep in touch with Friends.
14.) Dad (enough said)
15.) Work out four to five days a week
16.) Find clinical site for school
17.) Work on preparations for Michael's visit home
18.) Work on family plans for Christmas
19.) Fill out forms for Sherrie for kids
20.) Figure out a way for Michael and I to go away for vacation when he gets home, home
21.) Find Dentist that excepts Tricare Concordia and sees children
22.) Worry about going to active duty
23.) Worry about telling family of plans for going active duty
24.) Worry about Michael and his Buddies
25.) Trying to never forget to pray and read bible

Well I think that is enough for now, I know I'm forgetting some things and I'll add them later when I think of them. But I didn't realize how much there was until I wrote it all down.

Veterans Day

Today is Veterans Day. This is Michael's first veteran's day and unfortunately he is not here for us to celebrate it with him. Instead he is still at the place that made him a veteran. I must say I was disappointed when I went to church this morning and they were not doing anything for veteran's day. I knew today was going to be hard. It's another prominent day that reminds me more of Michael and the fact that he is not here with us.

Thankfully though he was able to call me. He is doing well. Says he may have to leave tomorrow already.It just depends they are having vehicle problems. He has earned a badge or some kinda patch because they saw combat. No one's hurt just a vehicle, thankfully. He says they probably won't go back home until like around the 20th. It was disappointed because they were giving out beer and he missed it because he was working on his vehicle. I told him it was ok he really didn't need it anyway because he hasn't had any for awhile. So he's ok. He can have some when he comes home on leave. But he received all his mail today and is going to have to give like half of it away if not more because he just doesn't really have any room for it all. Well I'm going to go for now because we are going to try and talk online later. YEAH!

Exercise

Well in light of my new attitude I have started working out. I have always been very small in every way, but now unfortunately I have developed love handles. Which is by far the hardest things to get rid of. But I have planned to work out about five days a week. Today I started at a fast pace walk on the treadmill for an hour. Thus followed by some strength training. I currently have free membership to the YMCA because of Michael and I plan on using it. I want to look just as good for him as he does for me. I must admit besides feeling slightly sore I do feel better all the way around. I currently weigh 110lbs. I am 5' 2". I want to be back to my weight in high school which was between 103 and 105. Seems reasonable to me. Five to 7 lbs weight lose does not seem ridiculous at all. To be quiet honest I would love to weigh only 100 lbs. Which is do- able. I plan on going to the gym five days a week as long as no one is sick. Even then I'll try and do little things here at home. I'm very excited about all of this. I can't wait to see the look on Michael's face when he sees how good I look. Plus I can't wait to feel better. Right now I feel run down and sluggish. But soon not anymore.

Michael was kind enough to tell me that he had noticed I was getting alittle bigger around the middle. Plus he said he would like to see my arms stronger. So I have been trying to do little things that will build up my arms right now. They are rather puny I won't argue about that. Yes I have also gotten bigger around the middle as well. Even though it hurt alittle when he said it I know he was telling the truth. Just like I told him of things that he can work on as well. Mainly his middle and upper body. He's legs have aways been very big and decently toned. Well I believe that is enough for now. I currently have an appointment at four and I'm very excited about that as well. Bye for now.

A New Begining

I hope the title says it all. I love to read other peoples blogs. I used to wonder why have I not been able to be as faithful with my own blog? It boils down to everything else that I have not be fully open with. No one actually knows who I am. It's my own fault. Alot of things have happened to me over the years. It's sad to say but only until recently have I just finally opened up all the way to Michael. He is extremely understanding. It hurt me to tell him what has happened but to see the look on his face as I was telling him was almost as hard. I guess, well I know it was a very big shock to him. Since I have opened up I am finding it hard to handle things like I used to. I used to bottle things up and I still am. I'm trying really hard not to but doing this on my own isn't working.

I'm still kinda in denial about alot of things that happened and am still blaming myself. Michael wants me to talk with someone either that has been through what I have or a counselor. I don't want to right now. There is so much going on and my time is already divided. I don't have time for me. Plus to be honest I don't want to do this without him. My own mother doesn't know what has happened. I assume on maybe somethings she may have her own idea but on others no. So It's hard for me to say. No one knows me, some of this is my own fault. Even my old paster has no idea what happened to me. Only Michael and only recently. I feel like crawling under a rock when ever the thoughts and images come back to my mind. It's like having to relive the whole thing over again and I can't stand it. It'll never go away. I just wish that some day I can handle it. I feel disgusted, I try and pray but I feel so unworthy so, to even talk to him about it. I know this is the wrong thinking but I don't know what to do? Someday I may say here but not now it's too hard.

Never Been Good

I've never been good about fallowing through on these things. I always start and never am able to finish. I love to write but then something happens and I have a hard time. I currently have a homw page that I created for my family. http://jenkinsfamily.spruz.com
I also created a myspace page so I can talk with friends from high school. Like Melanie and Barry Ammermann. I also joined an online moms group for wives of deployed military husbands. So I have alot plus I start school on the 29th of this month. Michael gone and trying to vistit family, Scooter's in school and so many more things I'm kinda drawing my self thin. I'm not sure I'll be able to continue with this blog but I would love to. Have to wait and see.

Alone at Last?

Michael left for Kuwait on Aug. 14, 2007.

I am now alone in Indiana with the kids. I have found a nice church that I am happy with. But unfortunately they do not have any small groups. Our friends Molly and Jason leave up near the race track so that's only about 20 mins. away. It might as well be farther. I hardly get a hold of them on the phone. It takes them always a couple of days to get back with me. By then I no longer need their help. This experience so far has taught me to be very independent. I have found Gabriel a school and he starts Sept. 4th. Lydia will also go to the same building but her own class. It's called Kindercare. They are a daycare but they have their own private kinder garden.

I have had some interviews with a couple of long term care homes but they also insist that I would have to be at work by 6am and I can not do that with the kids. day cares don't open until 6am. No one is will ing to work with me because you also have to work every other weekend. My children will already be missing their daddy they don't need me to be away either. I have applied to Ruby Tuesday because I can work only 5 hr a day and that would work out better with the kids. I'm waiting to hear back from them to see if I have gotten the job. I hope I do. I'm going insane at home alone. I need to stay busy. Get out and try to have something of my own life. But pinning away at home over Michael being away from me is just waiting for depression to rear it's ugly head.

I will not succumb to depression. One I have no time and two I really have not allowed myself to give over the time that has been stripped away from my family. there is no point for I can do nothing about this. Life must go on and I'm all I have for my children right now. They need me to be strong. I will cry though. When Michael is home and safe I will only spill those tears of joy and relief. But now it will do no good. I must be strong. It will do no good. I plan on keeping up with this as regularly as possible.

Too Long

I feel awful about the time lapse there has been in my writing. But between the move and Michael there just seems to be no time. I miss the writing but I'm afraid there will be another gap. I will not have Internet access until around July or august. Money issues with Military.

Anyway Besides Michael and moving I've been running alot to the Dr for Lydia. She has been diagnosed with internal tibial torsion along with metatarsus adductus. We have had x-rays done and gone to two different specialists. She also has to see the allergists. Look I'll write more later. I didn't realize how late it was.

So Much

I'm just about overloaded. My poor brain probably couldn't handle any more information about what's going on with the 478th. Plus trying to help with the F.R.G. (Family readiness group). Today I've been trying to find a participating dentist who is in the army's dental program. Tricare Dental with Concordance. I like the Tricare Medical because everything is free and the kids get to keep their same DR. But it's a whole other story with the Dental.

This weekend was long enough. I spent 7hrs. at the unit Sat. and 6 1/2hrs. on Sun. Plus we missed group. I hate that. I had to miss church and then on top of that, group. I always at least try not to miss group. But this weekend coming up thankfully we don't have anything.

The FRG group is made up of a wonderful but small group of women. As FRG we have started our Phone Tree. The Phone Tree will be a way for family members of the soldiers to know what is going on at the unit and with their soldiers over seas. I will be one of the women responsible for the families on my list by not only providing weekly updates but also to see how the families at home are doing emotionally. Plus helping to report problems dealing with lack of contact from their solders to problems with pay. I know this will all be very heavy and hectic, but I love being involved and want to stay as busy as possible. Well I'll give more updates later. right now their is so much to do I don't have alot of time. Plus Michael and I are probably getting sick, with the same thing. Yeah!?

Quick

I am currently without email and will not be able to post as I would like. But I ask those who do read my blog will continue to check in and I will try my best to keep in touch. Things are going good. Just really busy with my school stuff. Pray that I can get accepted for the ADN program at gateway.

Gastrointeritist

I must say first I feel awful for not taking more time out to keep my blog updated. Second I was able to experience my first ambulance ride Friday morning, as I was taken to St. Elizabeth. I don't have alot of detail for I don't really remember alot. I do remember getting up and taking a shower early so I would be out when Mrs. Mains dropped of Elizabeth around 7:30 am. I remember telling Michael that I was not feeling well and then shortly after that the toilet and I became well acquainted.

My mom arrived at some point from school because Michael said he made me a Dr. appointment
and he was going to stay with the kids while she took me. Apparently when she arrived I was lying on the bathroom floor not very conscience. I don't remember much just bits and pieces. I remember everything once I arrived at the hospital. They of course tried to start an IV but from where I have such small veins they quite trying after they blew four of them. (I'm starting as of late to become very found of the colors purple, yellow and green.) Apparently I have a very bad viral infection. They told me it was either caused by food poisoning, bacteria, or a reaction to medicine. I'm thinking it was a bacteria.

Thankfully the kids have not gotten sick. They have been with my mom since Friday. She is bringing them home today. This was probably the worse I have ever felt. Yes even worse than my gallbladder. I am felling much better. I'm still a little weak and my head hurts but other that that it's all good. I'm hoping to make it at least to group on Sunday.

Michael is doing his army thing this weekend. He didn't want me to be home a lone today but I reminded him that my mom was coming later today so I should be fine. He told me that I had better, never scare him again like I did on Friday. I told him I'm just keeping him on his toes. He said he's tired and would like to get back onto his feet. I agree. Hopefully I'm good for a long time now.

School

Yes, I'm going to officially say it. I'm going back to school! It only took me four years to figure out what it is I'm supposed to do, but I really wouldn't change anything. (except maybe my transcripts) I'm not ready to tell what it is I'm going back for. I'm having some anxiety and I don't want the pressure I'm sure I'll feel if everyone knew what it is. Let's just say it's along the lines of helping others?!

Some of my classes that I will be taking will allow myself to take what they call an equivalent, instead of going through the school. More hands on training. One it's cheaper and two I can get an idea what the environment will be like. Make sure before I commit to much. But I have a feeling there's no backing down from this. I know this is short but it's late, I have to get up early.

Side note: I know I said I'd write more about Christmas at the other places, but I've had enough and It's all the same. Well, God bless.