Almost gone, Thank you Lord!

Well we have only three days left of November and I am so happy. Thankfully time is flying by and Michael will be home soon for leave. I can't wait. I have missed him so much. It will be 7 months when he gets home on leave since he has been gone. He will still have four to five months left to complete when he goes back. at least the most will be behind us when he does have to go back. I have missed him so much and at times it gets to feel unbearable but I feel like I have been handling things every well considering all the things that I have gone through and have to deal with. Plus I'm alone up here and our only friends are very busy and I do not see them alot. But I feel like the Lord has provided this opportunity for not only myself but for Michael as well. I know we have defiantly grown closer than I thought possible for a married couple and thank the Lord for this everyday. It's amazing what can come out of something that we think is totally awful but is actually something wonderful. Michael and I are actually trying to plan on a trip to the Bahamas and are wanting to renew our vowels there. We had such a rocky start at first and feel like this is the fresh start we need and only the Lord could have provided us with this opportunity. Thank you God, Thank you for everything!

November 20, 2007

Well I have only one more day left of this class. I'm very excited but also very nervous because I have my final exam for this class tomorrow. I always spaz when I have to take a test or exam. I usually do pretty good. I'll let you know how I do.

Michael called today. He was back home but not sure how long he will stay this time. Last time it was only for one day. Everyone is doing good and thankfully no one was hurt from this mission. It is still unaware of when he gets leave and I will not post when he does until he is back home, overseas. Safety is of the utmost important. He is doing well, missing home of course. It's going to be very hard since he will not be home for Christmas and this is the first time he is going to miss Christmas. I almost wasn't going to put up the tree. But I decided I will for the kids. It wouldn't be right if I didn't for them. Thankfully I will not be spending Christmas here but down in KY with our family. At least that way maybe I won't feel so sad. Well I keep ya posted on how I did on my test and let you know how thanksgiving goes. We are leaving tomorrow to go down to KY to spend thanksgiving with everyone.

DRAMA

Yesterday we had Lydia's birthday party. It was good, alot better than he first. Her first birthday we had drama. But life is full of drama, my life, mine and Michael's. There is no escape from family. You can't change them, you can only love them. I love mine and Micahel's family. But there is so much drama. We are going active. In a way it seems like an escape, but in another way it will cause all new drama.

My mother feels that Michael's mom favors Lydia. Michael's mom feels that my mom favors Gabriel. I try and stay netural. I know we are moving but they do not. Michael and I are going to tell them together. Anyway, what do I say? What do I do? There is more but it's late maybe some other time.

Basic Medical Procedures

Well I have only one week left of this class. I'm amazed at how fast the time has gone by. But it is a very good thing. I have enjoyed this class very much. This week we have been learning about urinalysis. I had no idea to the extent in which urine plays in diagnosis or the different ways in which to collect it. I know most people are like oooowww. But I find all this very fascinating and can't wait until I actually get to handle and run the different test. I' a very visual and hands on type person. Though I am learning now I will learn alot more once I am able to get the hands on experience. As of right now I am not sure as to what we will be learning next week, but I hope is blood!

My Commitments

I have enrolled in a online school while Michael is gone. We both agreed that this would be a good opportunity for me to go to school since in a way our lives have been put on hold. The school is called Allied Health Institute. I was so worried that with everything that has been going on that I wouldn't do very well and that being an online school made me nervous. but I have to say I have been proven wrong. So far I am making better grades than I did in high school and I'm loving it. It is so nice and hasn't been too demanding for my schedule. I have nap time to do my work and since I don't work outside my home I am able to have plenty of time to my school work. I am very proud of myself since I'm doing so well. I thought I would be stretching myself thin. I still may do that but right now things are going ok.

Anyway I thought I would make a list of all the things I typically have to do every month:

1.) Pay monthly bills
2.) Grocery shop with the kids
3.) Visit Family at least twice a month. (3 hour drive one way)
4.) Call Phone Tree family twice a month and sometimes in between
5.) Attend church either here or KY every Sunday
6.) Kids to Dr whenever
7.) Monthly FRG meetings
8.) Take Gabriel to school every day.
9.) Cook & Clean house
10.) My school work everyday
11.) Work on Christmas packages for Michael and buddies
12.) Mediator for family/problems (enough said)
13.) Keep in touch with Friends.
14.) Dad (enough said)
15.) Work out four to five days a week
16.) Find clinical site for school
17.) Work on preparations for Michael's visit home
18.) Work on family plans for Christmas
19.) Fill out forms for Sherrie for kids
20.) Figure out a way for Michael and I to go away for vacation when he gets home, home
21.) Find Dentist that excepts Tricare Concordia and sees children
22.) Worry about going to active duty
23.) Worry about telling family of plans for going active duty
24.) Worry about Michael and his Buddies
25.) Trying to never forget to pray and read bible

Well I think that is enough for now, I know I'm forgetting some things and I'll add them later when I think of them. But I didn't realize how much there was until I wrote it all down.

Veterans Day

Today is Veterans Day. This is Michael's first veteran's day and unfortunately he is not here for us to celebrate it with him. Instead he is still at the place that made him a veteran. I must say I was disappointed when I went to church this morning and they were not doing anything for veteran's day. I knew today was going to be hard. It's another prominent day that reminds me more of Michael and the fact that he is not here with us.

Thankfully though he was able to call me. He is doing well. Says he may have to leave tomorrow already.It just depends they are having vehicle problems. He has earned a badge or some kinda patch because they saw combat. No one's hurt just a vehicle, thankfully. He says they probably won't go back home until like around the 20th. It was disappointed because they were giving out beer and he missed it because he was working on his vehicle. I told him it was ok he really didn't need it anyway because he hasn't had any for awhile. So he's ok. He can have some when he comes home on leave. But he received all his mail today and is going to have to give like half of it away if not more because he just doesn't really have any room for it all. Well I'm going to go for now because we are going to try and talk online later. YEAH!

Exercise

Well in light of my new attitude I have started working out. I have always been very small in every way, but now unfortunately I have developed love handles. Which is by far the hardest things to get rid of. But I have planned to work out about five days a week. Today I started at a fast pace walk on the treadmill for an hour. Thus followed by some strength training. I currently have free membership to the YMCA because of Michael and I plan on using it. I want to look just as good for him as he does for me. I must admit besides feeling slightly sore I do feel better all the way around. I currently weigh 110lbs. I am 5' 2". I want to be back to my weight in high school which was between 103 and 105. Seems reasonable to me. Five to 7 lbs weight lose does not seem ridiculous at all. To be quiet honest I would love to weigh only 100 lbs. Which is do- able. I plan on going to the gym five days a week as long as no one is sick. Even then I'll try and do little things here at home. I'm very excited about all of this. I can't wait to see the look on Michael's face when he sees how good I look. Plus I can't wait to feel better. Right now I feel run down and sluggish. But soon not anymore.

Michael was kind enough to tell me that he had noticed I was getting alittle bigger around the middle. Plus he said he would like to see my arms stronger. So I have been trying to do little things that will build up my arms right now. They are rather puny I won't argue about that. Yes I have also gotten bigger around the middle as well. Even though it hurt alittle when he said it I know he was telling the truth. Just like I told him of things that he can work on as well. Mainly his middle and upper body. He's legs have aways been very big and decently toned. Well I believe that is enough for now. I currently have an appointment at four and I'm very excited about that as well. Bye for now.

A New Begining

I hope the title says it all. I love to read other peoples blogs. I used to wonder why have I not been able to be as faithful with my own blog? It boils down to everything else that I have not be fully open with. No one actually knows who I am. It's my own fault. Alot of things have happened to me over the years. It's sad to say but only until recently have I just finally opened up all the way to Michael. He is extremely understanding. It hurt me to tell him what has happened but to see the look on his face as I was telling him was almost as hard. I guess, well I know it was a very big shock to him. Since I have opened up I am finding it hard to handle things like I used to. I used to bottle things up and I still am. I'm trying really hard not to but doing this on my own isn't working.

I'm still kinda in denial about alot of things that happened and am still blaming myself. Michael wants me to talk with someone either that has been through what I have or a counselor. I don't want to right now. There is so much going on and my time is already divided. I don't have time for me. Plus to be honest I don't want to do this without him. My own mother doesn't know what has happened. I assume on maybe somethings she may have her own idea but on others no. So It's hard for me to say. No one knows me, some of this is my own fault. Even my old paster has no idea what happened to me. Only Michael and only recently. I feel like crawling under a rock when ever the thoughts and images come back to my mind. It's like having to relive the whole thing over again and I can't stand it. It'll never go away. I just wish that some day I can handle it. I feel disgusted, I try and pray but I feel so unworthy so, to even talk to him about it. I know this is the wrong thinking but I don't know what to do? Someday I may say here but not now it's too hard.